Then and Now: Finding My Voice
- Elaine H. Kim
Critical Reading
Basically, this essay is about a struggle of an Asian- American woman to find her identity in a country where she is treated as a foreigner, the ‘other’. It shows how she suffers as an Asian- American woman in a White male-dominated society of America and how she discovers herself with a strong voice.
An incident of fortune-telling takes the writer back to her childhood days, the time when she had to struggle in the USA as a foreigner. Kim reassesses her past particularly her teenage year and remembers how being brought up in a hybrid culture. She had to struggle to establish her identity, voice and her space in the USA. She had to face two sides of reality: people and culture inside the house and outside the house and she could not understand this disjuncture and felt trapped in between. She found herself suppressed and discriminated against by the White people (European and American), violence and discrimination against the Afro- Americans, racial prejudices and gender discrimination.
She had to face two problems- as a foreigner and as a woman in the male-dominated White society. She was taken as a 'perpetual outsider' and the 'other'. There were strong prejudices against the foreigners. Her determination to be a cheerleader was her attempt to be popular and to be recognized. However, her success in becoming the cheerleader did not bring her any new identity. Rather she developed the feeling of isolation and alienation. His suffering brings her a new understanding. The difficulties and confusion during her teenage inspired her to learn about the history and when she grew up. She learned that she was not alone in her suffering. She learned about racism, American women’s and African Americans’ struggle for equality and social justice.
As a result of her struggle for identity, she discovers herself. Now she views her past from a different perspective. Her experience has stimulated her to work to educate people against racism and sexism. This work has helped her better understand herself. Now she finds herself strong with a new voice.
Kim in "Then and Now: Finding my Voice" talks about fortune-telling. She loves the fortune-telling way of prediction. She brings her own experience as she has once been to Buddhist temples and long waited for her turn. A popular fortuneteller took a glance at her four animals: horse, dragon, tiger and dog, and asked who that man was.
The particular year these were the sponsor of a fund-raising part by the Korean community centre in Oakland. There Kim showed her saju and was informed that whatever would be was in between 12 to 17 years of age.
Kim talks about social injustice. The prediction about her seemed to have been wrong because the period between junior high and high school was the most unhappy and most difficult period in her life. Maybe the fortune teller considered the writer to have been brought up in the US and luckily not to have seen the devastating Korean War of the 1950s though he was wrong in prediction, he insisted that her period was a watershed one according to his numerology figures.
The writer remembers that her house in suburban Maryland was being sheltered by the Korean refugees. Her parents were scraping by themselves, and she never seemed able to catch the attention of her mother. When bad lucks come, they come in the chain. Another disaster she faced between the ages of 12 to 17 was the disjuncture between people and culture inside and outside her house. People inside her house spoke Korean, ate Korean food and talked about Korea. But outside her house, none knew much about or was interested in Korea. Those who had heard of Korea thought it was a state in Japan or China.
The 1950s was also a period of violence and discrimination for many people of colour. African Americans were forced to live in segregated neighbourhoods. Moreover, they were victimized by the police. Though Asians were allowed to live in white neighbourhoods, the writer’s brother was beaten by white boys daily. The writer was also harassed in her school. Besides she was not invited into white people’s homes. She was treated as a perpetual outsider or foreigner.
In such a difficult situation, the writer was determined to become a cheerleader. Her determination to be a cheerleader was her attempt to be popular and to be recognized, However, her success in becoming the cheerleader did not bring her any new identity. Rather she developed the feeling of isolation and alienation.
Her suffering brought her a new understanding. The difficulties and confusion during her teens inspired her to learn about history when she grew up she learned that she was not alone in her suffering. She learned about racism, American women’s and Africans. American’s struggle for equality and social justice.
As a result of her struggle for identity, she discovers herself. Their experiences stimulated her to work to educate people against racism and sexism. That work helped her better understand she found herself strong with a new voice.
This essay is about a struggle of an Asian- American woman to find her identity in a country where she is treated as an Asian- American woman in a white male-dominated society of American and how she discovers herself with a strong voice.